Many of my therapy sessions with women who are actively dating men are often centered around the sensation of seeming “crazy” or being judged as that. Is it crazy to ask my partner where this relationship is going? Is it crazy to ask if we are exclusive, or if they can see a future together? And, as the relationship moves along, the question becomes: “Is it crazy to talk about having kids?” We all know that parenthood is a conversation much bigger than giving birth. Having kids influences all important life areas: relationships, careers, finances, and lifestyle and questions on any of these subjects on their own are certainly not crazy.

In the United States, we tend to learn more about the prevention of pregnancy than we learn about how to achieve it. It’s no surprise that there’s an expectation that as soon as birth control is removed, pregnancy is imminent. But most of us don’t realize that even in our 20’s and 30’s, there is only a 20% chance any given month that a pregnancy will occur and that’s if we have unprotected sex within our window of ovulation. On top of this, there’s the sudden rush we feel once we decide we want to try for kids that comes along with a sort of impatience and inevitably ignites our fears. What happens then when the pressure of a desired pregnancy is put on a relationship?

To date, we have moved away from the view of women as “baby-making machines”—and that’s a great historical achievement. However, as many of us feel increased pressures to prioritize and advance our careers, we tie our identities tightly to what we do at work. The concept of being a mother may not always feel fully aligned with the identity of being an ambitious professional. The consequence? We undervalue motherhood and push the thought of fertility health to the back of our minds until the moment we’re ready to get pregnant.

While the non-reproductive consequences and effects of alcohol usage during pregnancy are both well documented, the effects of alcohol on reproductive physiology have not been well delineated due to limited research. However, recent research has demonstrated that alcohol intake does indeed have an effect on both women’s fertility and the quality of male sperm.